You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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