I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
