Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize