Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
