Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
