Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
