just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
