fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
