I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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