umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
