I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
