Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
