Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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