I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
