She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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