i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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