I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
