We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
