am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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