I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
