I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
