i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
