its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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