Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
