We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
