Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
