She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
