jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Holy shit dude........stairs
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
