I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
