I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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