I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
