I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
