carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Randomize
