Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
