party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
