just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
