her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
