conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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