Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
