Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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