this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
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You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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