two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
