I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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