why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
