Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
