I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
