DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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