can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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