I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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