you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
