her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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