Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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