sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
