Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
