**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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