My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
