dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
