oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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