Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Randomize
