Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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