Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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