I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
