apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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