I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
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I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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