Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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