I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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