Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
