did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
