C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
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he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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