I'd wear matching sweaters with you
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
