Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
