Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
