It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
