dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
