She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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