Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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