I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
