Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
